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So many of us feel full. Calendars full. Inboxes full. Minds full. And yet we keep committing. To the invite, the project, the opportunity, the thing that looks good on paper but feels heavy in your body.

In this episode, I share the simple 60-second filter I run before I add anything new. Four questions that cut through overwhelm, prevent resentment, and keep your business and life aligned with your actual capacity. If you have ever said yes and instantly regretted it, or wondered why your life feels so full but not deeply fulfilling, this one is for you.

In this episode we chat about:

• Why “finding a way” is keeping you full, not fulfilled (2:21)
• Question 1: Does this fit the season you’re in right now (4:48)
• Question 2: The hidden cost of complexity and how to spot it fast (6:41)
• Question 3: The real cost of a “small yes” (energy, recovery, resentment) (8:49)
• Question 4: What you’re actually sacrificing when you add one more thing (10:17)
• A real-life example you can copy and paste into your next decision (11:25)
• The third option that changes everything: “yes, but clean” (13:44)
• The 60-second practice to start using this filter today (15:48)

Episode resources:

• Work with me (use the code 2026 for $500 off)
• Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Open Wide by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini (book)
• Time Magic by Melissa Ambrosini and Nick Broadhurst (book)

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The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy.

[00:00:00] The Melissa Ambrosini Show. Welcome to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. I’m your host, Melissa bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, open, wide, comparisonitis and Time Magic, and I’m here to remind you that love is sexy, healthy is liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word. Each week I’ll be getting up close and personal with thought leaders from around the globe, as well as your weekly dose of motivation so that you can create epic change in.

Your own life and become the best version of yourself possible. Are you ready? Beautiful. Beautiful.

Hello and welcome back to the Melissa Ambrosini Show. Now, today I wanna give you something really practical. I gave this to one of my private clients this week, and I thought I had to share it with you. This is so practical, like use it today practical. Because if you are anything like the women that [00:01:00] I work with, you are not short of ideas.

You’re not short on capability. You can make almost anything work. And that is kind of the issue because when you are that woman, you don’t get stopped by, can I do this? You get stopped by. Should I do this? This is literally my, every day I go for a walk. I come back with a million ideas and I’m like, should I do this?

Should I do this idea? It’s not, can I do this? It’s should I do this? And then you end up in that place where you are circling decisions, overthinking, second guessing while your life is all ready full. So this episode is called Before You Add One More Thing, run it through this filter. And like I said, this is something that I shared with one of my private clients.

She found it immensely useful. So much so that I had to share it with you. So I’m going to walk you through four questions. That’s it, just four. And then you can run [00:02:00] any decision through them in under one minute. Client stuff, business stuff, family stuff, school stuff, commitments, invitations, opportunities, anything before you add it, filter it.

And I’ll also talk you through an example so you can hear how it sounds in real life. Okay? Are you ready? Let’s go. So first, if you have been feeling like your life is full, and I know so many people who feel like this right now, my friends, my peers, my clients, but even though your life feels full somehow, it keeps asking for more.

Now you are not imagining that. I see this so often with women who are high achieving, high performing, high capacity, responsible, self-aware. The ones that people rely on. The ones who handle it. You are the ones who make it work. You fit it in, you reschedule, you [00:03:00] reshuffle, you stay up late and you find a way.

And the tricky part. That becomes the evidence that your brain uses to say yes again and again, and not because it is aligned, because it’s possible, but possible isn’t a metric anymore. If you want a life that actually supports you, you need a different metric. And here’s the thing that I wanna name overthinking is usually not a personality flaw.

It is a system issue. It’s what happens when you’ve got too many inputs and no filter, too many tabs open and no filter. And that’s just a part of living in today’s world. There are so much coming into us from our social channels, to emails, to texts, to phone calls, to WhatsApps, to all the things, [00:04:00] and I dunno about you, but it’s a lot.

I feel like it’s a lot. And when you don’t have criteria, every decision becomes a debate. And if every decision is a debate, you are tired before you even begin. That’s how I feel sometimes. So four questions. This is your filter. Now you can write these down or put them in the notes section of your phone and come back to them whenever you need to make a decision.

And here’s how I want you to use it. Before you say yes, or before you keep circling, ask these four questions. And if it is not a clear yes, it’s at least a not yet, not I’m failing or not, I’m missing out. Just a not yet. Okay? So I want you to remember that. Now, question one is, does this support the season that I am in?

Does this support the season that I’m in? Write that down. This one is so [00:05:00] important because seasons change all the time. If you have kids, you will know this. That seasons are always changing, and with that, your capacity changes. Your priorities change what your building changes, and sometimes you’ll get something that is genuinely a good opportunity just for now.

So ask, does this support the season I’m in? And define your season simply. Maybe your season is the season of young kids. That’s definitely my season. Maybe it’s caregiving. Maybe you’re taking care of an elderly parent or something like that. Maybe it’s the season to rebuild your health and get well Again, maybe it’s simplifying your calendar.

Maybe it’s consolidation in your business, like less new and more depth. And if that’s your season, the question isn’t, could I squeeze this in? The question is, does this actually support what matters most [00:06:00] right now? Because if it doesn’t, it becomes friction. And friction is expensive. It costs you energy, it costs you inner peace, contentment, all of those things.

To a line that I come back to is a good opportunity can still be wrong for now. There are so many amazing opportunities that land on my desk every single week. Huge speaking gigs, huge podcasts to go on, so many amazing collaborations, things like that. But I have to come back to this line. A good opportunity can still be wrong for now, for the season that I’m in.

That leads to the second question, will this reduce or increase complexity? Write that down. This is where a lot of high performing, high achieving, highly capable women get caught because you can say yes to something that sounds aligned, and then you will [00:07:00] pay for it with complexity. So more coordination, more messages, more emails, more admin, more mental tabs open.

And suddenly you feel heavy and you can’t quite explain why. So ask, will this reduce or increase complexity? And here’s a quick way to sense it. If it’s repeatable, clear you’ve done it before, it has clean boundaries. It usually reduces complexity if it’s custom unclear, has a lot of moving parts, adds in multiple meetings.

ADD stakeholders, ads are, we’ll figure it out as we go. Vibe, then it’s going to increase complexity. And here’s the thing, complexity isn’t bad. Sometimes it is totally worth it, but you wanna choose it consciously, not accidentally, because you’re not deciding whether you can do it. You’re deciding [00:08:00] what it will do to your life.

And it’s not just your life, it’s your family’s life. Yeah. Because. For me, being the mother of the home, my energy dictates the energy of the home, and I am the thermostat of the home. Yeah, my nervous system is the nervous system in which everyone in the home feeds off. And if you want support with this part, like someone to help you see the true complexity before you commit, that is one of the biggest things that we do.

In my one-on-one sessions, we simplify, we clean up your business and your life, and we put edges around your capacity. So just head to melissa abrini.com/strategy. If you wanna book in a strategy session with me, and I’ll link to it in the show notes as well. Question number three. What will this cost me?

And I’m not just talking about money. Most people only count money and time. But for you, the real cost is often [00:09:00] our nervous system. So I want you to ask yourself, what will this cost me? Not just can I do the thing, because we are capable women, we can do the thing, but what’s the after of the thing? How will I feel the day after?

I agree. What will it pull me away from my children, my work, whatever? What will it cost in recovery? Because some yeses are technically doable, especially for us capable, high-achieving women, but they’re not clean. Yeah. And what I mean by that is they’re the kind of yeses that drag around the kind of yeses that make everything else feel harder and pay attention to your body here.

If you read the message, the email, whatever it is, and your chest or your body tightens, if you feel that little internal drop, that heaviness. If [00:10:00] you want to avoid responding, that is not drama, that is data. Okay? So honor that, listen to that because. Your body is always talking to us. The body never lies.

Fourth question. If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? Because every yes spends something. It spends sleep, spaciousness, creativity, presence, health, your actual priorities. So ask yourself. If I say yes to this thing, event opportunity, whatever it is, what am I saying no to? Is it your kids? Is it your workout?

What is it? And don’t answer vaguely like really name it. I like to write this down. If I say yes to this, I’m saying no to my [00:11:00] Friday being light or a self-care day for me. If I say yes to this, I’m saying no to deep work on the thing that actually moves the business. Yeah. The revenue drivers. If I say yes to this, I’m saying no to being regulated.

This is where clarity gets real, because clarity is often subtraction. Okay, so let’s make this real. Imagine that you are already at capacity, your weak is full, and you are doing all the things, and then you get a message. It’s polite, it’s reasonable on the surface. It’s something like, Hey, could you just have this in?

Or quick question, can you jump on a call or. Would you mind taking this on too? Or even at home? Can you organize this or can you handle this? Or can you do this for the school or whatever it is. And because you are you, your brain goes, sure, it’s not that big. And your body goes, oh no, I know. You know [00:12:00] what I’m talking about.

That’s the moment for the filter, so let’s run it. The first question, does this support the season I am in? If your season is simplification, steadiness, protecting your energy and being more present, then an extra add-on doesn’t really support that. It might be a good request, but it doesn’t match your season.

Then we go to question two. Will this reduce or increase complexity? A quick add-on usually increases complexity because it adds revisions. It adds back and forth, emails, texts, all the things. It adds time that you didn’t plan for. It might be only 10 minutes of doing, but it’s two days of mental tabs. And then question three, what will this cost me?

This is where you tell the truth, not the polite truth, the real one. If I say yes. It costs me my buffer, it costs me my nervous system. [00:13:00] It costs me my evening of self-care or connection with my partner. It costs me my deep work tomorrow because I’m carrying this in my head or because I have to do something for this thing.

So what is the cost? And question four, if I say yes to this, what am I saying No to? If I say yes to this thing, this add-on, I’m saying no to finishing what I already committed to on time, or I’m saying no to being present at dinnertime or to putting the kids to bed, or picking the kids up from school or whatever it is, or I’m saying no to the part of me that is trying to live with cleaner edges and boundaries.

And now you get to decide. Again, you’re not choosing between a full yes and a hard no. There’s that third option, yes, but clean. So instead of automatically saying, sure, you might say, yes, I can do that, and it will be an additional fee, or, yes, I can do that, and it will [00:14:00] push the timeline. Or, yes, I can do that, but I will need an extra month.

Or I’m not available for that week, but I can do it the following week. Or I don’t have capacity for that. But here’s what I can do. That is discernment. It’s not harsh. It’s not over explaining. It’s not guilt. It’s simply telling the truth about capacity. Your capacity in this moment before that resentment builds.

Okay. And I just wanna underline this because it’s important. A lot of women think boundaries are something that you do after you feel pushed too far. But the cleanest boundaries are the ones that you set before you are depleted, before you are snappy, before you are crying in the car, before you are silently furious at someone who honestly didn’t even know you were overextended.

That’s what this filter protects my love. It protects your energy. [00:15:00] It protects your relationships, it protects your work. It protects your self trust because here’s what happens when you keep saying yes to things that don’t actually fit. You start abandoning yourself in tiny ways, and then you wonder why you feel a little disconnected or a little numb or a little resentful, and those things build.

They build within us. So let’s land this. If you take nothing else from today, take this before you add one more thing, run it through the filter season, complexity, cost, trade off, and make the decision from truth, not from pressure. Now, here’s your simple practice for this week. Pick one decision that you have been circling.

Maybe it’s to go to this wedding, or maybe it is, whether you take on this [00:16:00] collaboration, or maybe it is whether you go on the family holiday or one reoccurring, yes, that drains you. You know the one I’m talking about, the thing that you dread a little bit, or the thing that makes your shoulders tighten.

Run it through the four questions and then make one clean adjustment. Not a total life overhaul, just one adjustment. And it could be a healthy boundary, a shorter timeframe, a clearer expectation. A not this week, a no or a yes, but only like this. And if you need words, you can borrow these. You can say something like, I’m not available for that in this season, but.

Go on, or I can do that. And here’s the way it will need to look. Now, this isn’t precious. This isn’t something you need to feel like you can’t express. This is about just telling the truth. Some [00:17:00] other ones you can say are, I don’t have capacity for that, but I can offer this instead. Or I can add that in and it will change the fee or the timeline.

And then you stop and you let it be simple. You don’t need to justify your capacity. You don’t need to write a paragraph and make it perfect. You don’t need to soften it until it means something so that the other person likes you. A clean sentence is enough spoken from your heart and your truth, and if you are listening to this thinking, yes, and I can still get wobbly in the moment, I get it.

This is where support can really help. Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t knowing the right decision. It’s trusting yourself enough to follow through. So if you want a steady place to practice this, making clean decisions, holding clean boundaries without guilt, simplifying what you are carrying, that’s exactly what my one-on-one strategy sessions are For a link to it in the show notes, you can [00:18:00] head to melissa ambrosini.com/strategy.

They are practical. It’s grounded, and it’s about building a life and business that doesn’t require you to be in a constant over-functioning to keep it running. So one last thing before I go. I want you to notice, just notice how you feel in your body when you imagine saying a clean no or even a clean, not yet.

Most women feel a little exhale, like even me just saying it just then, like I was like, ah. And that exhale matters. It’s often your system recognizing safety. So this week, don’t look for the most impressive decision. Look for the cleanest one. And before you add one more thing, run it through this filter.

And if this episode has helped, please send it to the people in your life who you [00:19:00] know are carrying a lot and calling it normal, because it’s a lot and we need strategies. So I hope you got a lot out of this. And if you did, please follow the show. Leave me a review on Apple Podcasts, and email me a screenshot of the review to Hello at Melissa Ambrosini, and I’ll send you my wildly wealthy guided meditation as a thank you for taking the time to leave me a review.

And I would love for you to jump on over to Instagram and tell me your top takeaway from this episode. I love connecting with you, I love supporting you, and I love watching you grow on this journey, and I’d love to work with you. So if you’re interested, just check out my one-on-one strategy sessions.

And before I go, I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here. For wanting to be the best, the healthiest, and the happiest version of yourself, and for showing up today for you, you are amazing. And until next time, don’t forget that love is sexy. Healthy is [00:20:00] liberating, and wealthy isn’t a dirty word.

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Thank you so much for listening. I’m so honored that you’re here and would be SO grateful if you could leave me a review on Apple podcasts, that way we can inspire and educate even more people together.

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P.P.S. Please seek advice from a qualified holistic practitioner before starting any new health practice.